Friofome

I needed change. I'm always like this, with this constant need to get away from my own life. I can't express myself fully, as I wished I could, in english. But I don't want my language back. It's also a burden, and I don't want to be stuck. Won't I ever find solid ground in this world?

I look at my friends' pictures. I can't say I don't miss them, and I can't say I do. Now they're in the past, now they're only pictures, those days look golden.

Saudades.
I won't ever understand this feeling, or why I'm able to feel this - and not feel it at the same time. I am hungry and I am cold all the time. But I like this: it's a new state of mind. As if I'm growing,bigger and bigger while the world's getting smaller. (Sometimes I'm afraid I won't fit anywhere else anymore). What feels so good it's that sometimes it seems I could be better - I could become someone like Buddha, or Dostoievski. I could go on hungerstrike, I could write something like "Notes from the underground" and no longer be this needy self-obsessive girl.